Get Back at Telemarketers!
NOTICE: All suggestions have been tested and approved for
use on telemarketers.
1. Insist that the caller is really your buddy
Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your
momma?"
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad
you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . .
. "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is
located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they
got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as
long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi,
my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a
real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy?
Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy
a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know
you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if
you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign
up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I
don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans
rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about
human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or
her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the
Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to
employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if
he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.
When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home
numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to
repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time,
but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you
continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your
dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home
incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to
fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer,
"Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any
clothes."
18. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
19. Tell them you are hard of
hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20.
Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.