You Might be a Redneck If...
home has more miles on it than your car.
2.You think that potted meat
on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
3.There is a stuffed possum anywhere
in your house.
4.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality
5.Fewer than half of your cars actually run.
mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the
Highway Patrolman to kiss her where the sun don't shine.
honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
8.You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and
wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
9.Your family tree
10.Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
11.Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school
12.You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
best way to keep things cold is to leave them on the front porch.
14.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas decorations.
15.Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
16.You have refused to watch
the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best
17.Your only condiment on the dining room table is the
economy size bottle of ketchup.
18.The rear tires on your car are at
least twice as wide as the front ones.
19.You consider "Outdoor Life"
20.You prominently display a gift you bought at
21.You use the term `over yonder´ more than once a month.
22.The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking
23.Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
24.You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
26.You think that
Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
27.The most commonly heard phrase at
your family reunion is "What are you looking at, Pinhead?"
think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
29.You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy" or "How
Y'all doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
31.You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the
33.You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest
invention of all time.
34.You had to remove a toothpick for wedding
35.You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
36.You have a
rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
37.You look upon a family
reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right´
38.You have to go outside to
get something out of the 'fridge.
39.Your richest relative invites you
over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
goal is to own a fireworks stand.
43.Your Junior/Senior Prom had a
44.The directions to your house include "turn off the paved
45.Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to
have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
46.You owe the taxidermist more
than your annual income.
47.You have lost at least one tooth opening a
48.Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
49.You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the
50.Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
52.You have a
very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
53.You have to
scratch your sister's name out of the message: "for a good time call . .",
because you feel guilty about putting it there.
54.Red Man chewing
tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
55 You bought a VCR so you could
tape wrestling while you are at work.
56 Your dad walks you to school
because you are both in the same grade.
57 Your house doesn't have
curtains, but your truck does.
58 You have started a petition to
change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
59 You call your
boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
60 You consider your license plate
personalized because your dad made it in prison.
61 You have been
fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
62 You need
one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of
63 The biggest fashion decision you have is which
plaid shirt to wear to the 4-H Fair.
64 You have flowers planted
in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
65 Someone in your family
says "Come and look at this before I flush it".
66 If going to the
bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have
them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
67.You go Christmas
shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy
68 You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
69.You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest" contest.
roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and
73.There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a
gun rack hanging in your truck.
74.You think the mountain men in
"Deliverance" were just "misunderstood".
75.If the fifth grade is
referred to as "your senior year".
76.You consider a good tan to be
the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
own at least 20 baseball caps.
78.You know of at least six different
ways to bend the bill of a baseball cap.
79.You can change the oil in
your truck without ducking your head.
80.When you run out of gas, you
put gin in the gas tank.
81.When you leave your house, you are
followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco,and
Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or
82.You have 5 cars that are not mobile and a house that is.
83.Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".
84.Your hunting dog
cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
85.You have a Hefty
bag for a car convertable top.
86.Your belt buckle weighs more than
87.You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
88.You own more
cowboy boots than sneakers.
89.You've been to a funeral and there were
more pick-ups than cars.
90.You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie
Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
91.You just bought an 8-track
player to put in your car.
92The theme song at your high school prom
was `Friends in Low Places´
93.It's easier to spray weed killer on
your lawn than mow it.
94.You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue,
and Primer Gray are three of the primary colors.
climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's
96.Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer
97.The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
98.Your mom calls you over to help because she has a flat tire...on
99.The ASPCA raids your kitchen.
100.You have to check
in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of
101.You can't get married to your sweetheart because there
is a law against it.
102.You celebrate Groundhog Day (because you
believe in it.)
103.You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the
sound of a tornado,
104.You fish in your above-ground pool, especially
if you catch something.
105.When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
106.Your beer can collection is
considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
107.If you wake up
with both a black eye and a hickey.
108.Getting a package from your
post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
110.Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've
got the new Mark Martin Budweiser wall clock.
111.You dated your
daddy's current wife in high school.
112.You're moved to tears every
time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons´. (Of course this is a very
sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed...you must be a redneck.
114.The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty
record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you
115.You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your
116 You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose.
117.You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
118.Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting
119.You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree.
Shell have offered you royalties for your hair.
121.Your dad is also
your favorite uncle.