You Know You're a Mom...
1. You count
the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
2. You want
to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made
3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
hide in the bathroom to be alone.
5. You child throws up, and you catch it.
6. Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
8. You mastered the art
of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything
9. Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in
the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the lobby of a Grand
Central Station... and you do it.
10. You hire a sitter because you haven't
been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and
checking on the kids.
11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the
only one your child eats.
12. You cling to the high moral ground on toy
weapons, while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
14. You hate the
thought of his wife even more.
15. You donate to charities in the hope that
your child won't get that disease.
16. You find yourself cutting your
husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
17. You fast-forward through the
scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
18. You use your own saliva to
clean your child's face.
19. You obsess when your child clings to you upon
parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without
looking back the second time.
20. You can't bear to give away baby
clothes--it's so final.
21. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your
mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
22. You stop criticizing the
way your mother raised you.
23. You read that the average five-year-old asks
437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
say at least once a day, I'm not cut out for this job, but you know you wouldn't
trade it for anything in the world.