Ways to be Annoying at a Funeral
*Warning: This page is for humor only! Doing any of the below will most likely result in your personal injury or death as the family of the deceased will take you out to the parking lot and beat you. End Warning*
1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish
was that she make love with you
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't
close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and
tell people that he hit you first.
4. Tell the widow that you're the
deceased's gay lover.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking
hands with the deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a
kazoo.
7. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're
not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind
the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that
your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
11. Put a
hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
12. Slip a whoopee cushion
under the widow.
13. Leave some phony dog poop on top of the
deceased.
14. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the
will can be read before the funeral is over.
15. Urge the widow to give
the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.
16.
Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
17. Use
the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
18. Ask the widow for money which
the deceased owes you.
19. Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's
gambling debts.
20. Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice
tatooing on.
21. Put Crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the
widow's last kiss.
22. SHOW UP AT THE FUNERAL SERVICES IN A CLOWN
SUIT.
23. If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her
nose.
24. When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the
deceased's mouth.
25. Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and
scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
26. At the cemetery take
bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
27. Goose the widow as she
bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.
28. Circulate a petition to have
the body stuffed instead of buried.
29. Tell everyone you're from the IRS
and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.
30. Promise the
minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the
deceased.