Driving in Detriot
1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see
how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the
left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe
distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're
going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.
3. Large SUV drivers think they're immortal,
(especially if they have 4WD); don't succumb to the temptation to test this
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance
you have of getting hit.
5. Never get in the way of a car that needs
extensive body work. (Remember no-fault insurance, he might not have much to
lose, you do.)
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
insure that your ABS kicks in giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake
7. Construction signs tell you about road closures
immediately after you pass the exit before the traffic begins to back up.
The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful
information, just to make Detroit look high-tech.
9. Never pass on the left
when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions
and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over
doesn't mean that a Detroit driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't
think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that there is no
such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Detroit.
slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a
tire. It might be more interesting than the articles in last week's National
14. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape,
keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and gives Adopt-a-highway crews
something to clean up.
15. Everyone thinks their vehicle is better than
yours, (especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a
Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.)
16. Learn to swerve abruptly. Detroit is the
home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key
locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
17. It is
traditional in Detroit to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the
light changes. This is a drag race isn't it?
18. When the light turns green,
put the pedal to the metal; gas is cheap in Michigan, pollution is a myth, and
this is a drag race isn't it?
19. Seeking eye contact with another driver
revokes your right of way.
20. Never take a green light at face value.
Always look right and left before proceeding.
21. Remember that the goal of
every Detroit driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle so never use