Need I say it? DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!! You WILL go to jail!
1. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who
2. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow
passenger if he has a crowbar.
3. Hijack the cockpit and, over the
loudspeaker, anounce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch
4.Run down the aisle screaming,"He's got a bomb! He's got a
This one has "One Way Ticket to Guantanamo Bay" written all over it
5. Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out
6. Fly into a rage whenever the word "Gallstone" is
7. "Accidentally" soda spill on the dork next to you.
8. Go up
to someone and ask loudly if they would mind applying Preparation H to your
9. Tap at the windows, saying "Looks pretty tough" then ask
somone if they have a bat you could use to test.
10. Disco dance in the
11. Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and
mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends.
someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't"
Hello Nice Mr. Air Marshall. What a nice gun you have there.
into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet
14. Describe your sex life in great detail to the
five-year-old next to you.
15. Try to lead plane in song "Oh I wish I was an
Oscar Mayer Weiner"
16. Lead a revolt against the first class
17. Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers.
passing Delta planes.
19. Lead a bible study session in the back of the
20. Start a hot dog stand.
21. Steal businessman's laptop, play
solitaire on it.
22. Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes.
the inflight movie, ask to share headphones with someone.
24. When two people
kiss in the film, belch real loud.
25. When there's any nudity, say "Hey!
He/she must be real cold!"
26. Tell the person next to you your life story,
from DNA to that afternoon.
27. With the person next to you, discuss
cannabilism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands.
that perhaps you shouldn't have put superglue in your undies that
29. Pick your nose and pat the person next to you.
30. No matter
what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni.
31. Show off your Batman
32. Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens
33. Switch accents and see if anyone notices.
34. During the meal,
loudly explain that one time you ate shark fin soup and proceeded to puke all
over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers.
into the cockpit and hit the warning alarm.
I think I would just stay out of the cockpit all together
36. Explain how, one time, the
plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't
really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die.
Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone
on the head.
38. Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger.
39. Go into
the cockpit, flick on the intercom light, then loudly inquire as to why the fuel
dial says "e"
40. Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice
"Why do the call it the cockpit?" then snort as if it's the funniest thing in
41. Don't use deoderant, then "accidently" stick your armpit in
42. Sneeze, using somebody's sleeve instead of your hand to
43. Listen to James Brown on your Walkman, sing along (especially
the "Oooh Oooh" parts)
44. Snort when you laugh
45. Tell corny jokes and
laugh like it's absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same
Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices
47. Sing that
irritaing song that starts like this "I lost my car on the rooooooaaddd an' I'm
cryin' over yooooouuuu...."
48. Recite all you can of the last Ann Landers
49. Hum the Monty Python theme song
50. Act like a movie
51. Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason
carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling "Yeee-ha!"
53. With a desperate
look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say
"Nevermind. Do you have any towels?"
54. Whip out your kazoo and give first
class a special entertainment show
55. Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!! I left
the stove on!!"
56. Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra
someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they're Kevin Costner or
Goldie Hawn (This best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in
58. Start talking Korean
59. If someone has a bad toupee, knock
60. Pretend you're flying the plane
61. With a fellow passenger,
Re-enact the disco scene in "Airplane!"
62. Get some rub-on tattoos and a
leather jacket, pretend that you belong to a biker gang
63. Take over the
plane with a toy gun
64. Yell to someone "Is it time to hijack the plane
yet?" (Note: Do this when there are stewardesses there)
65. To the person
next to you, say "It's amazing that they didn't notice the grenade in my luggage"
Need I even say anything? Do not say that or you are going to get a face full of airplane carpet and a knee in your head. And who knows what kind of dirt is on that carpet anyway.